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A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again. ~Enid Bagnold

the pimp chronicles
Pub: VII
7/24/10

Have you ever taken the time to watch yourself on video?

Sounds like a question most people would be able to say the answer “yes” to. One would think. Especially as most everybody has some version of a video camera in their phone, camera, computer, anywhere.

My answer: no... (until recently.)

So for whatever reason, I’ve been on this video kick lately. I have been hiding my old digitial camera with video recorder in a spot around the house. By doing so, I'm recording little segments of my life with Chloé. From putting her to bed, to reading her a nighttime book, or eating dinner with her.

God I sound like a fucking creep. Hiding the stupid camera and recording the kid and I around the house? No really, it's both beneficial and a good keepsake.

Let me tell you, it’s this “regular everyday shit” that after a few years time is by and far the most interesting to go back and look on. It's like my very own reality TV show!

And I found it even more amusing watching myself. I was at times floored by the way I simply smiled and moved around and laughed and most importantly… interacted with Chloé.

It was whacked out gonzo man. I mean not all of it. But just in general. I know how I feel about Chloe. But I saw some real eye openers on video I never realized was occuring! Seen from almost an outsider’s point of view on how we interact.

First of all, I noticed at times I am too rough with her. I am very affectionate with my daughters. Almost to the point where it’s too much. Always kissing, hugging, squeezing small squashy parts on their body. I noticed that some of that shit I almost gave the kid fucking whiplash! Giddy up cowdad.

I noticed how fast I talk. Which I talk fast regardless. I usually slow it down for Chloe out of the nature of her being a kid. But even slowed down isn’t slow enough. Need to settle that shit down too.

The worst of all? I asked Chloe, “What are you an invalid? Hold your spoon correctly while you eat”.

God I cringed!! I got that from my fucking mother! She used to ask me that all the time while growing up. I didn’t even realize I was doing it or recognize I was ever saying it.

And now that I thought about it, I've been throwing out that "invalid " thing for a while now.

That guy in the video was a fucking dick during that part and a few other parts too. I’d kick his ass if I saw him talking to my daughter like that again.

Oh wait that was me. I guess I’ll just stop it. Awareness rocks!

Question of the day: If you are a parent, is there any recognizable bad habits you have picked up from your parents that you use in your parenting? If so, what's up? Are they so ingrained in your psyche that they laid dormant during rhe years between moving out and having your own kids?


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