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Sign up for FREE nightlife text alerts: More Info « 'Dancing With the Stars' results: Who's out tonight? | Main | 'Project Runway' finale recap: And the winner is ... » October 27, 2010 'Survivor: Nicaragua' recap: The fairy tale edition OK, for some reason, when I started this, I decided to write it like a fairy tale, since that is the land where Marty appears to be living. I'm not quite sure it worked, but too late. Here it is:
Once upon a time, there was a man named Marty, who believed that he was the king of the world. He came to this belief after discovering a piece of wood on a string thanks to clues that were actually solved by his friend, Jill.
Then there was Jane. Jane liked to do things like making fires, catching fish and telling jokes, which were all very useful skills for people stuck in the wilderness like this unfortunate group. Marty and Jill pretended like Jane didn't exist, but Jane didn't give a hoot. Until one day, when the trio got shuffled around and had to move in with some kids who spent their time napping, playing in the sea and, presumably, eating candy and braiding one another's hair. The kids didn't care much for Marty or Jill, even after Marty showed them his magical piece of wood on a string and told them about all his favorite rules. But Jane? Jane they thought was pretty fun for an old lady. Plus, sometimes she fed them.
One day, this new family, known as La Flor, crossed paths with their former rivals in a group called Espada.
They did battle for a chance to milk a horse and ride a cow. Or perhaps vice versa. One by one, each person jumped out over the enchanted (or perhaps pee-filled, depending on whether Fabio had been in it yet) water and tried to throw a ball into a basket whilst a foe tried to block them. King of the world Marty thought he would be victorious, but reality smacked him down, and he missed his opportunity to show off. The Espada family, on the other hand, succeeded again and again and won their due reward.
Marty and his family of misfits returned to their beach and pouted pathetically.
Soon, the two groups met to battle once more, Espada with bellies full of fresh tortillas, eggs, cheese and milk, and La Flor with bellies full of frustration and hot air. Their quest was to build a path, roll some cannon balls and break some pottery. Despite this seemingly meaningless act, the winners would be spared the humiliation of having to force someone out of their family. And Espada added another win, which made their bellies even more full.
Back at the family beach, Sash, one of the children King of the world Marty was now living with, appeared out of nowhere and decided to spin a tale (and possibly put a confounding spell on him). Sash used his unforseen powers of persuasion on Marty, assuring him that he should hand over his magic piece of wood on a string in exchange for a promise of safety, a promise that appeared to be less hardy than spun sugar.
Marty, looking kind of confounded, handed over his piece of wood and nodded seriously and with great honor.
Then, the misfit family went to meet with the real king of the world, who cross-examined them with an air of disbelief, an air that multiplied exponentially with the discovery that Sash was now keeping the magic piece of wood in his pocket.
Just when you thought the air of disbelief couldn't get any more chokingly thick, people began to cast their votes, and when the king of the world counted (pardon us, we meant "tallied") them, there was Marty's name! "Why, how could they do such a thing?," his expression seemed to ask. "Especially in this land where honor and virtue are prized above all things?" Sash and his other friends, who were not living in such a fantasy, just gloated. Two votes for Marty, two votes for Jill, two votes for Jane. But who would leave?
Jill would.
And someone, somewhere lived happily ever after. But it probably wasn't Marty.
Posted by Sarah Kickler Kelber at 11:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)Categories: Survivor
Comments OMG. Thanks for the laugh! Nicely done.
Posted by: Sandra Ruttan | October 28, 2010 5:59 AMGiven that the previews appeared to indicate that the merge is next week, Marty made a poor decision.
Posted by: BOFF | October 28, 2010 9:09 AMDoes it seem to anyone else that the contestants on this show are getting dumber and dumber with each season? The young people surely don't portray their generation very well. They are lazy and narcissistc. Every time Sash opens his mouth I want so much to stuff a sock in it. And the older people are portrayed as so gullible as to believe that they are valued for more than the work they can do to make the young people's lives easier. How long does Jane think her "alliance" with the lazy bums will last? I truly believe my Survivor fan days are numbered.
Posted by: Susan | October 28, 2010 1:22 PMMarty had three options: hold the idol, play it, give it away. The maximum any one of the options was going to give him was one more tribal council. If by some miracle Sash keeps his word, Marty could get it back. (Not that anybody believes Sash would keep his word.)
I'm intrigued by Purple Kellie. Why doesn't she ever say anything?
Most importantly, I thought Jud's answer about Fruedian slips was revealing. He's now my odds-on favorite to win the whole thing.
SKK: I think the reason Purple Kelly never says anything is because when she does, it's things like, "And then you milk the milk? Is that right?" And yes, Jud's Freudian statement was the most shocking statement of the night! But it didn't fit into my sad fairy tale.
Posted by: Bucky | October 28, 2010 1:23 PMThe young players are actually doing a fairly good job of representing their generation. Just look around and listen, they are everywhere.
Enjoyed the fairy tale. Still enjoying Survivor....I like to yell at the TV. It makes me better feeling
SKK: I guess this is where, as a 30-something, I get to be truly pleased that my generation isn't represented on this season at all.
Posted by: Allie K | November 1, 2010 11:07 AMThis was great! I suddenly feel ready for bed. I'd like to read more like these.
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Comments: (you may use HTML tags for style) Please enter the letter "v" in the field below: About Sarah KelberSarah Kickler Kelber, an editor in the features department since 1999, got sucked into reality TV with the first episode of MTV's The Real World in 1992. Then came Survivor and American Idol, and suddenly, the genre was everywhere. She started blogging about it for The Baltimore Sun in January 2006 and has logged more hours watching and writing about such shows as Dancing With the Stars, Big Brother and, of course, Idol, than she'd like to admit.Follow @realityck on Twitter
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